Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in eledh's LiveJournal:

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Monday, November 16th, 2009
2:01 pm	Capt'n's log stardate 010101010101010100101010101010 Had a vacation for the first time in 2 years....It sucked. Was planning to meet with a couple of old buddies from high school. Was suppose to all crash at Dave's house cause his wife and kid wasn't going to be there. She decided to cancel. Why... I think so that she could counter what ever fun Dave an us were goin to have. She's just that kind o lady. Vacation......ruined... No disorderly conduct, little to no gaming time, little to no sleep due to spacing issues as well as opposing schedule to the kids...all of which equals grumpy Nate. I was looking forward to this for the last month and a half now. Major suckage... Acid reflex sucks Think my stomach acids are on the move again... all in the wrong way... mayhaps it is a sign that i need to change something...again... Gaming Its been going poorly. The players are little to unresponsive on top of that they either succeed in killing the plot devices or just ignore them entirely. There's just only so much I can do...subtlety is something they just seem to lack...on top of...May I stress....I hate psionics... Book stuff I've hit another road block with my writing. Character development seems to be lacking...which is weird... And I lost my notes... Grrr... Reading I recommend Richard Baker he is awesome...David Farland is good, Stories seem to be entertaining but so far are simplistic and lack any sort of depth, I'm only 2 books into his series though, we shall see how it turns out. And am still waiting on G.R.R. Martain's new book...that guy is by far one of the best story tellers I've read in a while. The only issue is that he's another R. Jorden'ess type Gaming of the Video sort Quite WoW...for now... Haven't played much with DDO its kind of dull playing with ones self. Still playing NWN as well as Dming it which has its fun moments... My odd schedule seems to limit me some to player contact. Movies Went and saw Astro Boy...which stayed close enough to the comics that I was happy with. Law Abiding Citizen was pretty creative. Planning on going to see Men who stare at Goats or Pirate Radio we'll see about those... TV shows Watching Heroes still...kind of interested to see whats going to happen with Hiro and Parkman, Peter is a retard... Also watching Rome...its a bit inaccurate historically speaking but a damned good show. Has characters you can relate too and some you can't. Typical HBO type series...filled with sex and violence and stuff to make you squirm...lawl..but they do it tastefully....for the most part. Current doings.. Still looking for a job especially after the Loan People decided to triple AGAIN what i need to pay... But I'm tryin to not let it worry me too much....kindo hard to wring water from a rock as it were... Not finding too much unfortunately... I took the management test for walmart...figure if i'm goin to be there might as well rise up from the shit that i'm in...Passed it easily enough. Unfortunately Walmart decided to change the whole management tier and with the moving of the peoples some jobs got cut...so...yeah...fuck.. Moving moving...I need to move...but I need to have a steady income to move...yeah...thats not happening so far... Thought jobs were suppose to be easier to find once you graduate....Damned economy... Currently filing and organizing the mess of Magic cards I have..its time consuming...but what else do I have to do with my time... next thing to do is catalog my books...again..did it once but haven't updated it in a few years... Yeah I'm bored out of my mind...what little I have left... I hit my year mark on the whole being single thing kind o sucks let me tell yeah...ah well...Good with the bad I guess... though this really has been a shitty year... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 16th, 2009
2:54 pm	Is tired and hungry Blah need to do things get on ball and start bouncing try do the announcing with slum dogs and the pick up stix with error messages and hard wired kicks on the south side of no where Ha...that made little to no sense... but what ever.. but maybe it did... Need to work on getting an career goin for me but i got nothing. Everything i can do I don't want to at the moment. And everything I want to I can't. Or so it seems. Went to aquarium in Boston it was fun. Realized that the lady I went with just aint my type, which is better the knowing of the now than the later.... met another lady but probably not gonna go that rout bein that she brought up the subject of Suspension out there and hangin from the table. A bit too ff for my tastes in fun after school activities... Rather hang around a bookstore than hang from one by cables and metal piercings... where the hell do I meet these ladies... Sigh. Yes games are going well....well one game is goin the other is not so much which is funny since the one not is the one people have more access too...Plans and programs for the next coming battle shall not be constructed from paper mecha robots...nods... Boredom brings out a whole new level of crazy...but off to work throwing a truck that weighs over a ton. Current Mood: crazy (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 6th, 2009
2:05 am	Stardate 4764 Tired ramblings some depressing One has to wonder why we do the things we do. Looking back on all the things I've said and done I'm still not sure why or how I came to be in the spot I am. I have no idea on where I'm heading and I don't know if I really want to be on the road I'm on. I suppose I'm lost. Is it of my own choosing though? I have a tendency to push away from friends at some point and remake myself. Only to venture forth and back down upon a memory lane that I have no real connection too. I keep to myself, sometimes too much so. Especially lately. My reaction to being called depressed or anti social is much the same. Do I care? I honestly say no but some small part of me has to, otherwise why do I continually puzzle over it. Humanity and its current social networks concerning work ethic and the like, (since that's all I've been doing) has been slowly making me horrified, at the complete disregard some people have for each other. But yet a part of me considers this acceptable and goes on trudging through the shit and dissected remains of honesty and integrity. Dealing as I have with corporate workings, and looking at it as an outsider I've seen abuses aplenty done upon these lambs of the working force. And I'm disgusted. They refuse to see the horrors they are letting themselves be subjected to without a fight. I see a close comparison to the initial industrial age and how big companies of those times abused the workers. The abuse hasn't stopped! And people expect it and let it happen because they think that they cannot do anything about it. That is an issue but whats more concerning is that this formalized thought process is in fact trickling upwards. People see political issues and governments acting in the same manner and abuses similar to what big corporations do to the people employed. Ramblings below read at your own risk --------- I've seen and heard people say increasingly over the years that they wont bother voting.. because they can't change anything... And the same it is with employees at companies... Currently Walmart is employing a tactic to remove a "Paper trail" for paychecks dealing with everything electronically. Which is fine and all but with the way they are doing it. Causes those employed at Walmart to have to pay to use their electronic bank account basically. Payroll is one separate account that basically has all of Walmart's employees money in it and when one cashes their check its removed from the payroll account. But now dealing with it electronically the money doesn't get removed until you use the money from your new "Debit" card, to either pay for things. (Which mind you Walmart makes most of their money from their employees) While the money is being held Walmart collects interest from the money, because it's still in their Payroll bank account. Also if you are going to use your new "Debit card" You are charged fees depending upon where you use it. And you can bet your ass that Wally-world gets a portion of that fee. If you loose your card they also charge you $20 to replace, on top of putting a hold upon your account which they just gain interest off of the employees money. Yeah.....And on top of all of that Walmart is restructuring their job structures. Won't bore with details but needless to say they are making more work for less people. And people will be getting pay decreases as their jobs will be phased out or put on a lower graded scale. They have already said that this wouldn't be the case but its happened. Fun Fun I spoke up, for a change at the meetings. I told them (including the managers present) about whats happening and how people are going to be effected, and what precisely some of the official mumbo jumbo means. Some employees were agitated but most didn't care. The Managers were decidedly most uncomfortable, when they responded I countered. They ended the meeting early. And I was asked to keep my opinions to myself. Which I declared that I was just reading what Walmart posted, and explaining all the big words to people who didn't understand on their own. Probably not the most tactful thing to do at your place of employment. But a lot of people associates and managers like me well enough. So I was spared some backlash. At the second meeting I attended a few days later I was conveniently put on shopping cart duty, midway through. Uhg enough of Walmart...(But rambling continued) I don't stand up for myself often. I should, but I don't. Why is it that I see these things and seemingly people around me are oblivious, or is it as my grandfather says. They're afraid to reconise the issues, and that they're gettin fucked sideways up the ass. Well his words were something like that. I remember the "...gettin fucked up the ass sideways part" real well. He doesn't swear in my presence often. Lonely. I live in a house with my grandmother and my cousin whose 7 years my senior but acts like he's 17, I have aunts and uncles living on both sides and I see hundreds of people a day come in and out of my job. But why does it feel like I'm so alone in this world. I visit people, I talk less than I type these days. Which isn't very hard. I try stay in touch but I feel so detached. And its not even that I'm looking for my "other half" as it were. The best times in my life consisted of two other friends and my self doing almost everythin together. The connection we had to one another, the fellowship was just amazing. They were the family I had always wanted, and then it was lost due to foolishness, in my eyes but one supposes not in their own. And basically it turned out to be all a sham. And it hurt more than I care to admit. But it is something I hope I will one day experience again. I thought for a time I had found it again, but life's like that. So I shall continue to be alone hopefully I wont be, right now I'm just tired, but at least I have hope, which is more than I can say for some. Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Friday, April 18th, 2008
9:34 am	okey an interesting turn So She's coming up...for the summer...holy crap. Who the hell am I to cause something this crazy to happen. Its awesome its freakin sweet but still I cant really imagine someone goin out of their way to be with me. She did say she wasn't spending forever up here and that it was just the summer soo...but still...ssweeet... hmm now time to get my ass in gear get this school thing on a good note and find a place to live for next semester. things are looking up...this is just making me think about how hard the fall is but...screw it im goin to enjoy this while it lasts (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 9th, 2008
9:25 am	Well then time for a bit of the rough n tumble. Not really. I just found out that since I was expected to graduate this spring I can't sign up for classes. Well i fixed that issue now I'm waiting for all the other issues to arise. I hope this works out I really need it to work out. I'm sort of on my last leg. My forever strange relationship with romantic interests has taken an interesting turn. Finally found someone who returns my interest but she lives in North Carolina. I met her up here in November, met in Barns n Noble. Spent a good two months together but then she had to go home. Now we are doing the long distance relationship thing at first we did alot of the text messaging thing and chat on the phone an all now we're doing the aim thing. I paid her a visit over spring break which was awesome. It so friggen beautiful down there, the waterfalls the mountains ect... She wants me to move down there an while I have nothing really going for me up here, I dislike moving down there because of her. Don't get me wrong I like her an all but, I don't want to go down there and end up being stuck and miserable. I'm not shall we say too experienced with romantic relationships,as well as those I've had have all ended poorly, more often than not them cheating on me and such and so skeptical about all this, but at the same time I think this might be a good thing to get me out of new england and out of my bubble. Sighs... A fear is I'm sticking with this girl just because I trust her, and I think she's hot. Not because I like her for her... cause well I don't honestly know her, but I'd more than kindo like too. And i think she's kewl... but maybe I do like her for her... but you really need to spend alot of time around a person in order to get to know them, otherwise they can lie, unconsciously, with their actions. Ive learned this from my family, Ive seen them do this to people and watch the carnage from afar. I swear they must have some sort of split personality or something. But maybe thats a women thing... ick... I hate being sexist but all the ladies I have been with turned out to be two faced maybe I need to change the sort of women I'm with? Nah that can't be Ive seen a few guys do that too. Mr romantic around the lady and a total dick when she's not around...hmm alright so I stand corrected. meh I suppose Im being to anxty and dumb... but thats whats been botherin me So thats them apples. The one thing I do know, and the one thing I am adamant on is completing this fucking degree. I will get it even if I have to remove a select few people to get the damned thing. *grumbles* (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
5:18 am	ehk So speaking of sleep wish I could...yeah so it was a dumb idea for me to stay out here and do school work without sleep and all cause it amounted to jack an shit... Granted I did do a hell of alot o research but ive barely started writing the 15 pager, and I have a bare idea of what the topic thesis thingy is...so that aint helpin matters much either. bloody hells Im tired this was a dumb idea remind me to not do this again...ick...Yeah I aint attending classes later today thankfully I only have the one class and no work tonight...so happy I have 3 nights off a week now... the 40 hr weeks were killing me..on top of school...granted I know many people do do that but after 5 years of basicly doing that continuously Im done...no more 40 hr weeks until after Im done with school...then I can work until I die...until then well fuck it I should be havin fun damnit..though I suppose the lack of staying on track when I was younger is now having its adverse effects upon the here and now...anyway Im tired and grouchy and havent the faintest idea on how to relieve that mood at this time other than by sleep....lots and lots of sleep (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 5th, 2008
9:49 am	sighs So Im going to visit with a man I have nothing in common with...My Grandfather. Why am I doing this...because I need a ride to the Bus station so I can pick up a ticket and Im tired of bothering those I live with for rides. My mother and father told me I needed to spend more time with my grandfather because he thinks I dislike him...why this is I have no clue, how can you dislike some one you dont even know? My parents even told me to use him for rides shamelessly if I needed them...why should I bother this old man, who has a hard enough time with walking? Sighs*** I just don't understand it, he wants me to as well, just so he can see me or maybe its so he has something to do cause he's retired. It doesn't make much sense for him to drive 20 minutes out here for a 5 min ride then drive home so I'm going to take him out to dinner and attempt to talk with him. About what I don't know, but I'll look for something, I hate talking about myself and my future plans, cause when ever they become verbalized or known, something fucks things up and they don't end up happening or can't happen or doors close that would otherwise be open. Its happened three times now already and I'm not going to let it happen again. Then again maybe I'm paranoid, thats a possibility as well. I just don't know.. I am looking forward to gaming tonight, though I still don't have a real good feel for this character I think. Last session he did something silly that I don't honestly think he was the type to have done as he did....well that was bad english that was...anyway.. So he's a ranger rogue bounty hunter...half elf because I felt like being silly...and not powergaming... But he just basically Convinced an Undead Warlord that just awoke to *Join the Cause* What cause is that? you ask?...the hell if I know... but he did... Maybe its because Im the only...natural race in the party at that time and so Have to give voice to the underdog...Don't know... I can see this all ending in tears... we now have a Chaotic evil half Ogre and a Chaotic Evil Half Orc both of which are our tanks....This is bad...We have a rogue who's almost afraid to do the rogue thing a Bard that wont shut up...*not that that is a bad thing technically speaking* And an insane Kobold...who's a Warlock?!? well he shoots shot with some sort of death ray... any way then theres me.....A half-elf ranger Archer basically...A little out of sorts I would think... I think that maybe I should have done something else...but now its too late and well....we'll see what happens... One thing I could do is somehow make myself seem either more powerful or more helpful to the group so that they don't all turn on me....how do I do this I'm not quite sure...But there needs to be some way we can keep this party from falling in on each other...wether from cunning or pure power...well we'll see I suppose... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 27th, 2008
9:09 am	oi sighs* finished one paper havent done my french its bad since i havent really done much of any french this week or last week for that matter. and its just gotten worse since I hardly understand the teachers english let alone his french..... And by all the holy hells why oh why does he feel the need to write every thing in cursive...he complains about our hand writing why wont he find the decency to write so people can read it gaaarrhhh!!! Anyway Im tired and cranky and I desparetly need a nap...or a shot of whiskey which will put this one to sleep...sighs... hmm oddly enough i dislike bitching overly much but here I have no qualms with doing so...im sorry.. but atleast this is a semi for of stream of conciousness writing cause im not thinking overly much and just doing the rant thing... it good im gaining a hold of being able to form the stream writing I always do to something productive now to see if i can finsh the paper and baring not plead with the teacher for an extra day... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 26th, 2008
11:20 am	hhmmm So what should I write. Should I say yeah I have one paper down 2 more to go. Both are due tomorrow early morning. Should I whine...nah I think I'm fine with it actually its all stuff I can bull shit....got to love college for that fact...it allows you to fine tune your skills at alternate....bah what am I saying it teaches you bull shit better. The only issue I think will be French...though I'm not sure. Its been a while since I've written anything in French. meh...we'll see how it goes. Still playing Neverwinter Nights and going strong. I waste so much time there and its silly but its how I destress and its cheaper than buying new games or satisfying the need for my bookwormish ways. Im sure many of you know how much I read. Well its gotten worse since now I can read faster. But Ive been curbing it with actually reading the text books now as well as reading during lunches for free at Barns and Nobles. I'm contemplating being a Dm on the server I play it will mean I wont be able to play as much but I could run games and build to the home Ive sort of created there. Silly really... Well I guess I found what I can write about... (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 24th, 2008
10:32 am	Eh....may contain inappropriate things you dont want to know.. Don't write much on here but never have much I want to share, to much of a private person sometimes. Very brief overview. School started was a little hectic at first but things panned out properly which is good. I back on speaking terms with the main part of my family in NH, Though I think I just recently pissed off my mom again...oh well. My dad an I have met up a few times and chatted which has been odd but kewl. Growing up I always hated and feared the man. But life goes on. Grandma I have only said maybe 3 words to since our conflict which is sad but fine by me. In better news I might be getting a car! woot! I can start drivin' my own ass around I'm sure my roommates are getting highly aggravated with me about that I'm really sorry but I have to do what I have to do. I need to work and get money so I can buy a car...which I shall be shortly....unfortunately gas prices have only increased since I last had a vehicle. Spring break Im going down to North Carolina to visit a friend. Not sure how that'll work out nor am I sure how Im going to pay for it but I am. Haven't gone any were in the last 2 years and I need to TRAVEl even if its not very far. *sighs* I must say even if I hadn't like ninjutsu the places it caused me to go too was well worth the time and aggravation lol I'm happy I liked martial arts though I can feel my body slowly falling apart since I haven't trained in so long....ick....I gained 15 pounds and I was never a light weight to begin with. in other news: I was tested and found clean which I knew, but its never bad to check. Also the allergy thing that the doctors thought was the reasons to the issues I WAS having panned out to not a damned thing, and I have been diagnosed or some such with IBS...yummy... the constipation kind... I'm sure you all wanted to know that tid-bit... But also I did find I'm a candidate for a heart attack....wonderful.... my cholesterol level is through the roof...my family has a history of these problems so I'm not surprised. They told me to reduce the consumption of such food items and exercise......Basically said "Hey fat ass go for a walk or something." Also told me to have fish pills....stinky lil things and their the size of friggen quarters that I'm suppose to swallow....excuse me I'm not Debbie from Dallas...anyway.. told me to eat healthier..and that its not hit a critical junction so that its manageable...seems I have to be a bit more picky with food stuff.. *sighs* Ah well that was the short and dirty of it...Sorry if there was stuff you didn't want to know.. but I warned you... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 19th, 2007
4:14 pm	meh well for those of you who know not of what is current in my life (if you care) I am currently living in a house with roommates from school im out from under the obsidian claws of my grandmother tho she still bothers me at times via phone which i keep off the place is kewl minor squabbles have occurred but nothing major school is coming along nicely so far and im playing NWN religiously j/k actually ive calmed down a bit on the whole online playing, tho some would say i still play way to much. Ive sort of replaced my pleasure reading with NWN for those of you who remember how much i use to read, it saves on money and is fun. sooo thats basically it nothing really exciting unfortunately... but its all good i suppose (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
5:06 pm	Well It seems i have cleared all that school crap up so im thinking i'll be able to attend school this coming semester just have to fix my loan thingy and apply for classes lol hope i can get the ones i need (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
10:56 am	hmm What to do... Well I'm looking at my life and shuddering away from watching my follies. Work has its moments but of late its been trying. As for the home issue I've been looking at apartments around here and well there is no way I can live in any of them, wal-mart sooo doesn't pay enough. Speaking of which I received my review for my bonus.....in the comments section everyone says I'm a wonderful worker I have great people skills yatta yatta yittie.... they said I'm doing an exceptional job but when it came time to actually give me the raise they said i barely meet the requirements to get the basic raise............................................................................................ .......................................okey say again...................I.....barely....meet....the......requirements? WTF.... so your telling me that 3 minutes ago im the best f-ing worker at walmart...."yes they said that" and i'm not going to make the exceeds listing to get an EXTRA F_ing 10 cents! blahklfjhbklwrjbgfkrwbgkrwbgkrwjbgfkjbfkejbfkjfbkejfbekwjfbwkejbfkwejbfkjwbfkwebfkjwebfkjwebfkjwe bfkjwebfkjwebfwkejbf;kjwebfkjwebfkjwebkejbfkwjbgoddamnmotherfuckingsonofamotherlesspieholefucking dicksuckerseatshityoudirtysoutherncommybastards! okey I'm done thats it....sigh....on to better news my grandmother is slowly going insane.....wait a minute................. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
10:55 am	eh? You are The Magician Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity. Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing, you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive. The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil. What Tarot Card are You? Take the Test to Find Out. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
3:41 pm	Well that was .....interesting So first convention was kool. Not quite what i expected but kool... I must say there was way too many things to buy.. Unfortunately when i suffer from such afflictions I end up not buying anything which is sad... by that i mean statues Manga knick nacks and anime.. I did end up getting a few pieces of art commisioned and bought a few other nice pieces. I spent a good chunk of my time reaquainting my self with old friends...we all changed in different ways but it seems we still get along tolerably so... lol well im at the school I was hoping to visit with people but it seems the old hang out spots are not the spots anymore... maybe I'll stay for the meeting tonight (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 19th, 2007
10:59 pm	okey if any of you get this i shall be for the most part found in artist ally with my ol friends from high school. I have a room but its with like 5 other people i suppose you could change and store stuff i think just have it were i put my stuff i hope you get this in time lol but no room for others to crash sorry (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 18th, 2007
12:39 pm	Woot Tomorrow Ah begin mah journey tah boston fer dah convention Yahoo fer Anime Boston! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
12:21 pm	*grumble* ....grumble grumble....BURN!...grumble stupid DMV.... grumble... (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 8th, 2007
8:31 pm	lol nevermind i lied i mean they lied its not fixed lol sob (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
3:12 pm	YAy After being, basically, house bound for the last 2-3 weeks, I can now drive.. my car is out of the shop....hopefully they fixed the problem.....yay (Comment on this)